Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Rd to Authenticity: Winter in NY and My First Relationship

In fall 2008 The GRAD support group had seen an increase of new faces during this time it was now more that jus Kay, Chris, and I.  We gained a few more participants and occasionally even had observers witness us share.  It was becoming apparent this semester of the effects the GRAD support group had on us, it most certainly had a huge impact on me.  We eentualy started a trend of eating out after GRAD and were willing to share and talk about our sharings outside tha GRAD setting.  We gotten to know the newcomers quicker than any other organization I have been a part of and those who came regulary which was about 5-6 of us became really close friends really fast.

During the winter break I heard from Fifi that she had gotten a car and her liscense while on the Cape and she wanted to drive it back to Indiana.  This would be quite a feat for a new driver so I couldn’t let her drive back alone so I was off to New York.  I remember when Fifi picked me up from the airport and I saw the car which was in poor condition the worst part being that the engine had trouble getting momentum and the car would occasionally jump in speed.  

We were going to spend a few days in New York before we headed back and Fifi decided she wanted to visit China Town.  I had no idea where it was and no knowledge of what I could put into my GPS to find it.  So I humored her and put in china town and we drove to a point that said China Town.  So it was getting late when we arrived and this wasn’t looking like the best part of town.  I couldn’t believe that Fifi wanted me to get up and walk around this area.  To me it looked like a bad situation, I was scared out of my mind, a very small cute girl wearing very fashionable clothing and I'm not that big myself.  This was not a place I felt like sticking out.  We found a mexican restaurant and it actually looked really nice on the inside and the service was great and the food was great.  I actually left glad we went out and glad we didn’t get into any less desirable situations.

At some point during our stay we met up with a friend of Fifi’s family who owns a tourism operation in NY.  He had actually paid for our hotel stays while we were there.  It was pretty obvious from talking with Fifi that he was on for the ladies and after meeting him it was pretty obvious why he was being so generous to Fifi.  He invited both of us to go with his tour operation so he took Fifi with him on the long bus with his other friends while I rid in the smaller bus with the tour group which I had thought were all from parts of China as they were talking Cantonese and the tour was run in that language, It actually wasn’t till we stopped at the hotel that I learned everyone knew English and some were born in North America.  I recall going to this shopping center and Fifi was with the other group having a private lunch while I just went around looking at the shops.  I met a really interesting store clerk in a toy store.  I believe I passed 2 hours just talking with her. 

I finally got to see Fifi once we arrived at the hotel and we all had dinner.  She would tell me all these subtle flatteries by him, I was just glad she could take care of herself.  He actually got them a room together with one bed but she had him put in another one.  The following day we went to a ski resort.  I had skied a lot in the past so I was looking forward to hitting the slopes though it turned out that all of the tour group with the exception of 1 didn’t know how to ski.  So I spent my tme teaching them and it was really fun and we all go to know each other a bit better.  II was actually sad that the trip ended that day and we all headed back to NYC.  Fif I and I left NY a day later in that beat up old car, I am very grateful to god that we made it back safely in Indiana.  Especially since it included a blizzard in Pennsylvania.  So with that behind us we began spring semester 0f 2009.

I had my first serious relationship in this semester.  I met him through NOGLSTP and we got to know each other through a chance meeting in a coffee house.  We had great conversations he got along well with my friends especially my best friend who had just turned 21 and we started hanging out and bars and went dancing at clubs.  I did enjoy going out but I did not drink and hanging out with drunk people wasn’t too enjoyable.  My new boyfriend turned to be a good drinking buddy for my friend so we would often go out and I would be the designated driver.  After we became official   I told the bishop I had a boyfriend and I told him we had gotten quite physically intimate.  I felt it was important that I told him because I don't want to be put on the spot of enacting a priesthood thing when I know I shouldn't based on the current requirements.  Of course I lost my priesthood and temple recommend, but I still had my calling which was only a greeter at the time so I could really still do it anyway.  This was expected by even me, not that I had a boyfriend but that we were physically intimate.  Which as the bishop explained was expected of all members.
The amazing thing was I was not only still welcomed and still had my voice, but I could bring my boyfriend to church with me.  (Unfortunately both of my exes never did since neither were a member of the church to begin with)  I don't remember what I said to my bishop though I believe it may have been that I found the physical intimacy crucial to my developement so that I could better understand what kind of relationship I am looking for.  Which I knew mostly from my second ex that I don't like penetration and I don't want anything to do with penetration, not that its wrong I just found out it’s not what I want.

I did feel that physical intimacy was indeed an important factor in a relationship and I had to feel it so that I could be sure.  I had never dated before so this was a new development for me and I glad I did it though the relationship only lasted a few months.  I found that I really couldn’t be with a person that was constantly negative and wanted someone to tell him how he could better himself.   I was not one to do that and I felt my relation to him was turning into more of a caregiver than a boyfriend.  We still stayed friends but there wasn’t 
much interaction after that though my best friend still did since they better related.

This was the last semester that the current QSU president, Kay, and Chris would be at Purdue.  Fifi was also leaving to transfer to Boston University.  I myself wouldn’t be at Purdue for the fall semester as I was going to go on another study abroad trip to Mallorca, Spain.  Still a lot of my past support would be scattered and I knew I would have to be self sufficient for when I return I knew I would now run the GRAD group and I will be called to more leadership roles in the areas i‘m involved in so in my trip to Mallorca I wanted to see how authentic when I am in a new community where the only one who knows me is me. 

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